Vasectomy Jokes

A collection of vasectomy jokes and anecdotes we’ve collected over the years. Some content may not be suitable for younger readers. Vacation Emergency A man pulls up to the medical clinic, leaving his wife and kids in the car, and races inside. “We’re leaving on vacation, and my wife says I need to be vasectomized immediately!” The doctor is surprised, but makes the guy happy. Snip, snip, and it’s done. So the guy shuffles back to the car and gingerly lowers himself back into the driver’s seat. “So, are you vaccinated, then?” asks his wife. Rejected Hallmark Card Greeting Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! ‘Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. Redneck Vasectomy After having their 11th child, an …

Penis Owner’s Manual

Welcome to the world-wide family of penis owners. We trust that you will enjoy many years of trouble-free service from yours. To help ensure that you will, we encourage you to familiarise yourself with the following equipment descriptions, operating instructions and maintenance requirements.   Body and Interior Specifications (All Model Years) PENIS Average length and diameter (flaccid) 3.5 x 1.25 inches Average length and diameter (erect) 5.1 x 1.6 inches Average percent increase in volume, flaccid to erect 300% (wow!) Longest medically recorded erection 12 inches Amount of blood in erect penis 8 to 10 x normal Average erections per night (while sleeping) 5 Average duration of each nocturnal erection 20 to 30 minutes Estimated replacement value (good condition) £50,000 …

Do It Yourself Vasectomy Kit (Vasectomy Humor)

The following is the content of an auction that was (quite justifiably) pulled from eBay after about a day. We were asleep when it got pulled, so we have no idea if it received any bids, nor how many hits it got. So you’ve decided not to breed. A wise choice–just ask anyone. But sterilization surgeries can be costly. And think of the risk! There must be a way to remove yourself from the gene pool without the inconvenience of visiting a licensed medical professional. Eureka! Imaginary Friends have the solution with Home Vasectomy Kit®! A good anesthetic (not included) is essential to any successful, enjoyable home surgery. Two good anesthetics are better than one (still not included). Slow down …