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I am 35 yrs old, 5’9 and 165lbs. I had the procedure done at a Planned Parenthood facility in Concord, CA. The cost was $450. I eat a regular diet and am very active. I have a very high pain tolerance and don’t mind needles. I think everyone should start with some stats.who knows, maybe there’s a pattern? Either way I think it would be informative.
Question: What keeps you from banging your chick, soaks up all your sick and vacation time at work, makes you fat, makes you lose any muscle tone you may have had, gives you zits, makes you slap your cats just because you know they THOUGHT about sleeping in your lap, makes you hate John and Kate plus eight and every other shithead reality “star” even more than you did, and on and on and on? Simple – a hematoma. Silly me, I used to think that meant “A bad bruise”.
The vas was Thursday, September 24th. The vas went well except for a little ditty when the doc started his first cauterizing session and the grounding pad on my hip didn’t work. He lit me up like the fucking fourth of July. Legs locked straight and I arced my back and yelled OWW. It didn’t really hurt, but it did startled the shit out of me. It did make my wife pass out however (chuckle) and she was escorted to the recovery room where I would soon join her. (She’s the best) All in all, the doc and nurse said the surgery went “better than normal” – a “really clean job”. That was what they told me. I still believe that they weren’t telling me anything other than the truth. After joining my wife, who had a lot more color in her than the last time I saw her, in the recovery room I sat down, waited the 15 minutes, and went home. I felt really good. The Ativan took the edge off my initial anxiety and I really didn’t feel much pain.
When I got home I did what I was told: wear the jock strap they gave me, take 600 milligrams of Vitamin I four times a day, ice the beanbag, couch surf, and don’t jack off. Well, I developed some serious pain about 72 hrs after the vas. I also felt pain around the base of my unit that spread into my bladder area and was shooting down my legs like “carpal tunnel” type pains in the inner legs. The bladder pain felt like a bladder infection I had had once with painful, burning urination and everything. I took off the jock strap because I had washed that filthy animal a few times and it had shrunk and was pinching down either side of my groin. I put my good old Patagonia (they paid me to say that) boxers back on and the pain subsided a bit at first, but then quickly got worse. I worked lightly that day for only an hour. My balls hurt all day really bad and the pain increased over the next two days to OH SHIT level even though I had gone back to a strict regiment of couch surfing and watching cops marathons.
I went back to the clinic that did the vas as soon as they opened the next morning. (Thursday, October. 1st) They told me I had a hematoma the size of an oblong ping pong ball above my left nut. I hadn’t checked myself for lumps because it was too sore. There was also a black and blue bruise where the lump was and I had fluid surrounding lefty that was thick. Doc said the fluid was not blood, but antibody laden fluid that showed up because of the hematoma. Doc then says “No big deal – this is fairly common”. Yeah right. It’s my nuts you asshole! And if it’s “Fairly common” then how about telling a guy BEFORE he lets you play ginsu with his bag?? “It should go away on it’s own in a few weeks” he says. They prescribed me an antibiotic called cephalexin and sent me on my way with a “Have a coke and smile and shut the fuck up attitude”. Go home and ice it, continue the 600 milligrams of Ibuprofen’s four times a day and chill out – no big deal “buddy”.
I came home that Thursday really scared and pissed off. Now what? Is this thing gonna go away on it’s own? Am I gonna have pain the rest of my life? Why did I fuck up a good thing? Am I going to lose considerable business due to my lack of mobility? Will I need another surgery? All these questions started flooding my brain giving me a considerable amount of anxiety. I have spent the last couple of days on the couch and the pain has gone down a little. “Three is a crowd” is still there and hasn’t changed his consistency. Hard to the touch and VERY painful. I’ve been really bummed out, confused, and scared till I found this website. What a wealth of personal experience knowledge. Thank you to all who have had the balls to post on here. I am already needing to go lay down after sitting at my computer typing this. (break) Ok, back. My new Indian name of Sitting Hurts is very fitting. I feel more comfortable standing than sitting, but laying down is best. Sorry for the long post, but what the hell else do I have to do, but put some info on the net. I am, since reading all the posts on this site, trying the hot baths thing – twice or three times a day. I was told to keep icing my package, but have a feeling that a hot bath is probably better for it after 7 days or so of having this hematoma. I’ll post my recovery on here and if I think the baths helped. I’m also going to try Advil from reading the above posts. I will post updates when I feel it will help.
Here’s some of my opinions on what will help recovery and treatment:-
- Before the vas, take a week off work planning to get fat and not do anything. Let your work know that there are complications that may extend this leave up to a month. (Even if the boss says your full of it just because two other guys in the office came right in after their surgery all twinkly with glee that everything went smoothly and that it was a simple, “easy” procedure.) Since I’m self employed I let all of my accounts (body shops) that rely on my work know that I was getting “snipped” and have subsequently let them all know there was complications. I don’t advise being that open unless you know they are cool. It did help me because they are all men and have compassion. Some of them are considering a vas themselves.
- Before you leave the vas appointment, ask the doctor to give you a script for cephalexin. As soon as I got 1 day of antibiotics in me the pain went down by 75%. I bet that I had an infection from the get-go. I feel that if I had been on antibiotics from the start I would have been better off. The shooting pains are gone and the bladder infection feeling is slowly fading.
- After the vas stay off your feet. I can’t stress to you enough. It you don’t believe me SCROLL UP AND READ! You’re no different. If possible invert your body by stacking up pillows high under you feet gradually downhill towards your head. This will drastically decrease pressure on you sack and will fight the forces that cause a hematoma. It helped me a lot even after I got a hematoma. It will, however, give you repeated wedgies.
- Ice, Ice, Ice, Baby. Numbs the pain and keep the swelling down. I used frozen peas. 16 ouncer to be exact. Anything more would be too heavy. Anything smaller wouldn’t have the acreage. They are durable bags too. Wrap it in a towel and re-freeze after you are done. I bought the expensive cold packs and the peas worked better.
- I wouldn’t personally take pain killers (Vicoden, Percocet, etc) unless you have too. If I had taken them it would have masked the pain and my body wouldn’t have been able to communicate that all is not well in wonderland. That would have caused a delayed response which would have further complicated matters. Save the pain killers for when you NEED them.
- Don’t take Ibuprofen (Vitamin I, Ibu’s) for at least 3 days. Immediate use of Ibuprofen may help lead to a hematoma since it has blood thinning properties. After day three. Start the 600 milligrams 4 times a day routine. I think that should be sufficient time for the vessels to heal a bit.
- WEAR A JOCK STRAP FOR A WEEK – DAY AND NIGHT. If you develop complications keep it on!
- Wearing tighty whities or boxers (whatever you normally wear) over or under your jock strap is more comfortable than just a jock. It also gives a sense of normalcy which tricks the psyche into forgetting the horrible thing that just happened to your wedding tackle.
- Don’t obsess about your hematoma. Time flies when you’re having fun.
- Don’t log onto YouPorn. You can’t do anything about it anyway. I got head Saturday night after a Thursday morning vas and think that was too soon. I had to make sure everything still worked. I have the same sized load too, contrary to what I heard pre-op judging by her GULP that is.
Submitted by Brett