Peter’s experience: Anxiety and extreme phobia conquered

This account is written in the hope that it will help some of you out there that have severe phobias about any form of surgery or in particular about this procedure to get through it, I did and this is how.

I am going to make this a factual and almost day-by-day account of what happened and what I went through to get there and get the vasectomy done so bear with me it will probably be one of the longest stories on the site but it has a purpose. Hopefully, it will allow some of you who visit this site to make an educated decision as to whether you want the procedure and if you do how to get through it all.

Some of you will have read my postings here on the site about absolute fear and phobia about surgery, probably more so than anyone else I have either spoken to or heard from on the site, Even the urologist concerned and my GP had reservations. But nevertheless, by talking to people, thinking hard, and reading other’s replies to me on here I got through it and now I know I made the right decision. It is however for you alone to make the decision and that means you only, never accept coercion or pressure from any third party, whatever is threatened or said. Most people that regret this are those who had it too early or were pushed into it or had it suggested by someone else either family, partner, or someone else, read the survey on this site and you will see that is a fact. Read and learn then decide.

Two years ago

Two years ago my wife fell pregnant for the third time, both previous births had been very hard and both labors in excess of 35 hours. The third was no different with our son being 13 pounds and 62 centimeters long also; my wife is only a size 8 (size 6 for you guys in the states) and weighs about 7.5 stones. (About 105 pounds). I decided that the best way forward would be for me at some point to have a vasectomy as both the last two children where conceived while using contraception namely the pill. We both knew that one of us would get sterilized and I already knew that the vasectomy was easier than tubal litigation and also safer and more reliable.

12 months went past and we chatted about it a lot as our sex life had diminished to abstinence due to fear of another pregnancy that this time would be unwanted. My wife is a devout catholic and would never consider abortion if any kind either and that meant having another child and possibly losing my wife too in difficult childbirth. However, I would state here religion never came into my decision at all it was a well thought out and a logical decision made after a lot of investigation and talking and then asking more questions than most would.

January 2001

I got my wife to make me an appointment with my GP to discuss the possibility of a vasectomy and she gave me a referral to a local clinic for counseling. My wife and I attended on the 15th of March for what was supposed to be a counseling session. We were seen by a nurse rather than the urologist and it was a rushed and unprofessional affair and went like this. We were shown a piece of paper showing six drawings of what would be done, then given a consent form, and told by the way this will have to be tomorrow as our funding from Croydon health authority may not be renewed. That terrified us both and we left promptly in a mess and turmoil, she had no answers to any basic questions I wanted answering at all just either you want it or you don’t. This seems quite normal for the NHS in the UK. When you go for this make sure you have a list of questions and make sure they have the answers, if at any time you don’t feel right find someone else or ask to see the urologist themselves. Don’t settle for “Well everyone else seems okay with it so what makes you any different”, don’t be herded be you, your not a sheep you need time to think and make the right decision.

Two days later I called them and asked to speak to the consultant rather than the nurse. I also called the health authority to check on the funding issue and was told that it had already been renewed. At this point, I started to want to know more about vasectomy and scoured the Internet for information and found this site and many more that had a mine of information, etc. Here I would say ask questions and do look around or use this group to ask them but make sure you know everything you want before going any further than this.

Over the next month, I gathered a lot of information and posted on a regular basis to this site to get as much information as I could, then with about 300 pages of info to read I sat down and looked into it in depth. All the different procedures were looked at and I came to the conclusion that it did not matter what type you went for as they are all invasive to the same degree, what was important was that I found someone who was competent and could also deal with my severe phobia of any kind of surgery. I even emailed loads of urologists who advertised on the net. Here is another tip, search the people directory on your internet service provider profiles I did and wrote to about 70, 90% wrote back and corresponded with me to answer questions on everything from procedure times to sedation, etc. They were very happy to do so too.

In the end, I called back to the original consultant and he agreed to see me again, this time armed with a whole heap of questions that I wanted answers to. I discussed these with him and he seemed very caring and understanding but he did point out that if I wanted sedation this would have to be obtained from my GP. Off to the GP, I went and explained the fear and phobia were already consuming me and causing severe anxiety and I had not even booked it yet. Again she was understanding and gave me 18 yes that’s right 18 + 5mg valium tablets with a view to taking up to thirty mg on the day and the others to try in varying doses when I was anxious about the whole thing. With this in mind I called and booked another appointment with the urologist and discussed it with him, he stated it’s a very high dose but if that’s what’s needed then its okay with him. Here I would say ask for trial doses so that you can be sure or at least think you are sure that it will work for you on the day, but remember CNS depressants are addictive and they have a half-life (the time it takes to clear from the system) so make sure you only take the trial doses about 5 days apart and with a view of not driving for 24 hours after taking them. Also, remember high dosages can have other effects like ataxia and speech problems, the best advice here is to go to the manufacturer’s site Roche and other sites about anxiety drugs and medications. There are lists of side effects from dosages, read them and heed them also remember if you are taking a higher dose as I did 30mg that someone is there with you and you don’t mix it with alcohol.

June 16th 2001

The vasectomy was scheduled for July 11th and I went home sat down as white as a sheet and blurted out to my wife I had booked it and sat there thinking all sorts of thoughts. Most of these where negative and I guess in essence were me looking for a way to say no and not feel guilty about canceling. This is where my phobia started to really grab hold of me. I had three weeks to go and was terrified completely. As the days followed I was starting to have severe anxiety attacks that would often see me collapse in tears and an uncontrollable shaking and shivering, Legs like jelly, and my heart feeling like it was going to try and exit through my rib cage resulting in massive headaches too. Some of you will be able to relate to this others might scoff but this has a purpose its for those of you that have these feelings and want to get through it one way or another. Despite all these attacks, I was determined to get through it. I took it hour-by-hour, day-by-day and night-by-night.

Two weeks to go

The anxiety attacks have at this stage made me every day think about picking up the phone and canceling the procedure. Twice at this point, I had actually collapsed with attacks so severe I thought at one stage I was going to end up in the casualty department at the local hospital, could not breathe and the palpitations where so severe I thought I was going to suffer a heart attack, yes it was that bad at this stage but I still kept in my mind that this could be canceled at any minute and went literally from day-to-day. My thoughts where at this stage I really don’t know how to get through this and there where posts to the newsgroup every day to describe what I was going through. Many people posted back replies that gave me the strength to carry on to the next day and on to the next etc. believe me, there is no substitute for moral support when you feel like this.

One week to go

The fear at this stage had become all-consuming but still with determination to get through I started using some of the valiums sparingly to get through the nights that were sleepless and breaking all the rules I had a few stiff glasses of wine too but to no avail. No sleep and now vomiting and with bowels that had turned to water it had got pretty intense, The phone looked very inviting but every time I put my hand on it I thought of my wife and what she would think and what the result of another pregnancy would mean. There were times when she got quite mad and said things that she did not mean but sometimes those words lingered and felt like a 45 magnum on my temple, many thoughts went through my head here but I know it was not anger but frustration at not being able to calm me down and a feeling of being helpless on her behalf. If your partner does say things think about it and put yourself in their position, try and imagine their fear of another pregnancy, another painful birth, and possibly the loss of your wife through childbirth, imagine what their emotional state is at this point, and then you will understand that we all say things in this state, much the same way I was saying things too. What made the difference here is it was my decision in the first place; remember that, as it must be yours and yours only.

Three days to go

At this point I was now so tired I had no fight left to conquer the anxiety attacks and went back to the GP and got a prescription for some beta-blockers to stem the anxiety attacks and started to drink a bottle of wine a night to sleep, not a good idea but it worked a treat. A post to the group just to let you all know that at this point I was not sure I could get through this, again a few post replies came back and it got me through, don’t know how but it did. I guess letting that male side of not showing fear and anxiety go and letting people know you are absolutely terrified was hard but at this point, I needed to tell others and hope there was an understanding and support there was my last-ditch effort to get through it. Those of you that are like me and I think there are a few that just won’t let go, do it breakdown, cry if you feel like it, tell others your fears. They will help you and support you, if you have an attack of anxiety make sure you get someone by your side and tell them what you are feeling. A hug and being close to someone does a lot even if its to get to the next hour, the next day whatever just be honest with them and most people you know will help you through it. Try the chat room here later in the evening. I really let loose in there and thought the guys would just think what a chicken, nope they talked to me, comforted me and it was a big help.

24 hours to go

This was a funny day, a calm had come over me and I had resigned myself at this point I was going to try everything to get through it, again with a few posts to the newsgroup and some very good moral support coming back I got through to the next day, took 10mg of valium that night to get through it and had a good nights sleep aided by a bottle of Frascati. However, I could not eat and only drank water on the basis that it was easier to have a pee than cope with a runny bottom on the day.

The day of the procedure

That morning was not a good one but I went to work to try and not think about 3.15 pm. cleared my desk and then kept looking at the clock, at this point the telephone was looking a good option. The clinic called me and knowing my state of mind called to inform me that my wife could not be present in the operating room for two reasons, 1 if she fainted that would be something they could not deal with because their attention had to be on me and two they did not want any risk of infection taking place. The lady then asked knowing my state of mind did I still want the appointment, I thought hard for a second took a deep breath, and said yes. That was hard to do.

Looked at the clock and it showed 12 pm dead, time to go home and prepare. I will tell you that I had started the shaving process a few days before taking a bit a day not sure why but it seemed to focus my mind on the fact that it was going to happen. Got home parked that car and went inside and sat down. At this point, I could not talk and again collapsed with anxiety. At any point during the times quoted above, I had no problem with the outcome of being sterile it was total fear of surgery that was causing this. Now shaking, and with my stomach reaching uncontrollably, and my heart pounding like hell I knew it was time to shower. My wife had to help me upstairs and hold me up in the shower because I was having trouble standing with the fear. Again I asked her to help and she was there, always admit your fear although mine was so bloody obvious.

I stood under a cool shower and gathered my senses and looked forward to the 30mg of Valium that should put me on another planet and make me as calm as anyone could be, gathered my jockstrap and dressed accordingly, and sort of slid down the stairs. At this point, I was one and a half hours away and took six Valium and sat down and waited for heaven to start. Twenty minutes later I got in the car with my wife driving and made our way to the surgery.

We where they’re 10 minutes and a nurse came through and took me in. The surgeon said I looked as drowsy as hell and I was too. I Got undressed and on to the table, they coated me with the betadine, cold feeling that was. Next, they covered me in toweling and he started to examine the location of the vas on the left side. At this point the adrenaline started to kick in and overcame any effect the valium had had a few minutes ago, my legs and arms started to shake uncontrollably, and seeing this the surgeon said to me do you want me to carry on or refer you somewhere else for a general. I thought about this and came up with the idea that it would mean more weeks of anxiety and fear. I told him to carry on and he said at any point tell me to stop. With this in mind, I said go for it now. He isolated on Vas and then he told me to hold my breath Ouch two jabs but didn’t feel much else. The next thing I remember is he telling me we are now going to do the other side. Again he told me to hold my breath and Ouch two jabs again not much feeling after this and didn’t feel any tugging at all. Throughout he was talking to me trying to put me at ease. What I do remember on this side that I didn’t remember on the left side was he again asked me to hold my breath and there were a loudish click and pressure like pain dull but a pain it seemed to go from about my thigh to halfway up my body and lasted about half a second. I didn’t ask what it was and I don’t remember it on the other side at all. Ten minutes later I was getting off the table. About 40 minutes in all and over. The sense of relief was immense and about twenty minutes after sitting down with a cup of coffee I went out to my wife, the Valium had now kicked back in and I was calm again and with no pain at all. We left for home and diverted to Sainsbury’s to get a few packs of frozen peas (advice from here) these where minted peas not sure if they are any better, I think they were the first ones my wife came across. Home to bed and peas on the boys I relaxed and before I knew it was asleep. I woke up about 6 hours later. No pain, no ache, and relieved it’s over.

The day after

A peaceful day with no pain, no swelling and no dull ache and no bruising at all, sat around and got pretty bored so posted to the newsgroup that peters done. No problems at all today just relief. That it’s over and behind me big time.

Day two

Back to work today behind my desk, taking two paracetamol every four hours but not sure if they re needed, still no bruising, still no swelling at all or any ache, and to be honest the boys look the same as before apart from the small stitched area either side but essentially I feel great.

Day three

In to the office again, this morning had a peek, nope no bruising, no swelling, and no real pain only the sensation of the stitches catching on my underwear. Wearing athletic support and still taking 400mg of paracetamol every four hours but feeling pretty good. Now and again a tiny ache but nothing worse than if I had been sitting wrongly with tight underwear and certainly less than the ache I was getting before the op where the anxiety would make my nads try and hide within my body. At this point, I feel great and pretty much like nothing has been done.

Day four

Sunday, got up had a shower, and got a few twinges with the boys being unsupported, washed gingerly around them, and examined the two incisions, They were tender to the touch but still no bruising or real soreness. Went shopping at the local DIY shop and got a few bits for jobs that needed doing around the house. Completed most of these without too much trouble although at the end of these there were a few twinges that told me to do anything more and you will pay for it. Backed off and rested. Went out in the evening and had a meal at a restaurant, back home, and to bed but made sure I am still using support, this had made things more comfortable during the day and night.

Day five

I feel pretty much back to normal although I am not taking any chances for a few more days. I have not checked out to see if its all working yet, I am going to leave that for a couple more days yet just to be safe but I am sure its all okay.

From here on I will let you know how things are going by posting to the forums but please read and absorb the summary at the end of this account. Hopefully, some of you with phobias will get something from this account and be able to make a decision.

To surmise this to you guys out there with a fear of his procedure, yes it’s uncomfortable, and yes it hurts a bit but you can get through it if I got through it anyone can and that’s the truth. Think about what your wife or partner has been through with bearing the children and think long and hard, guys it was hard for me but I am through it, and now knowing what to expect I would if needed to do it all again.

Remember if you have the phobia get help and if you need advice e-mail me too, I am no doctor but I have been there and back, and through it and any help I can give any of you I will that I promise.

Submitted by Peter