Chris’ experience: Straightforward vasectomy in the Netherlands

As we’ll both be forty in about 2 weeks, and have two kids aged 3 and 1, we both were sure we didn’t want any more kids. We always just wanted two, and we’ve got a boy and a girl. My wife was perfectly happy taking the pill, as it keeps her periods down to manageable levels, and was really glad to be back on it after having the kids. But I worry, she’s been taking them since she was around 16, and it can’t be good to take them that long.

I kind of expected her to treat me like a hero for volunteering for the snip, but she was completely non-committal about it. She did finally agree that it made the most sense for her health, and we’re both 100% sure about not having kids, so mentioned it to my family doctor the next time I went. He asked me if I was sure, and had talked it over with my wife, and then gave me a letter of referral to the urology dept of my local hospital. I phoned them later the next day expected to arrange a consultation, and they gave me an appointment two weeks away, and then started telling me about bringing someone with me and not to travel by bike (I live in Holland). I realized they were talking about the actual operation. Still, I was sure, so why delay?

The 2 weeks passed, I talked it over with a colleague who’d had it done a few months before, and had an infection and swelling. Still, I wasn’t put off and didn’t worry much until the night before, when it struck me that the only situations in which I’d actually consider having more kids were if anything happened to the 2 I had. Then I got really nervous and panicky. I was really wishing I’d got some of that pre-op valium I’d read about on the web.

The day of the vasectomy

My wife came with me in the morning, along with the 2 kids (nothing helps you keep your resolve like trying to keep 2 infants happy in a hospital), and after a bit of bureaucracy, I was being called in, and up in the stirrups. After a bit of discussion with the doctor, we decided to conduct the proceedings in English rather than Dutch (my vocabulary in the uro-genitary sphere being pitifully inadequate) And I didn’t want any confusion (For instance, the Dutch for ‘slipped disc’ is ‘hernia’ – which I’ve had, and it can be very confusing not to say worrying to hear words which are totally unrelated to your condition being bandied about). Besides, in times of stress, it’s very difficult to concentrate on different grammar. I thought there might be some stress involved, so I decided to forego this chance to improve my language skills.

Anyway, once I was in place, the right side was first, and apart from the slightly nauseating tugging of the tubes, it was really easy, the injection was much less painful than a dentists injection, and I really didn’t feel any local pain at all.

The left side was a different matter. First, the local anesthetic wasn’t effective, so I had to have a 2nd, and then there was some minor panic involving blood from an unknown source and a lot of hissing and, ugh, smoke from the soldering iron thing, and the pulling was really quite severe. I don’t know if the tubes were a lot shorter, but it felt like he was pulling out an extra foot or so of the tube. I’m sure I could feel something around the rib region being pulled. It was a lot like having your ball squashed. Then finally the stitches hurt a fair bit, though I know they shouldn’t have.

After the procedure

I’ve been walking like John Wayne and being careful when I sit down. The children are just the wrong height (and they do tend to run around with toys in their outstretched hands) so I’ve been avoiding them. My wife seems to think it’s fair and reasonable that I have this genital mutilation performed. As she puts it – “Now you can begin to imagine what an episiotomy feels like”.

Still, it’s all over now. I had the operation at 10:40 am Tuesday, came back to work yesterday (Thursday). and though I’m getting the odd twinge now and then (sort of like when your balls get all twisted up) and the stitches are quite sharp when they come into contact with the other skin around them, I think the worst is over. The stitches come out next Tuesday, though I don’t think I’ll wait until then to make sure everything working as it should be. I might have to do something about the sharp stitches though, they could injure one or both of us.

No one at work has even guessed, as I have a bad back anyway, they think nothing of my occasional groan or strange posture. I’m actually dying to tell someone to maybe get some sympathy – and it’s always good to steer the conversation around to your genitals, but I don’t know how to broach the subject. Maybe they all know, but want to spare my imagined embarrassment.

I’m really not embarrassed, my 3-year-old son is broadcasting to anyone who’ll listen that “Daddy’s got a sore willy” – after that, you want to tell them it’s not that kind of sore willy, it’s only a vasectomy!

Submitted by Chris