Christopher’s experience: My vasectomy is tomorrow

I would like to publish my entire experience for others – I found the stories most helpful over the last few days, attempting to get mentally prepared.

Thursday, March 9th: The Night Before

I am having surgery tomorrow, and I have to be honest – I’m a bit surprised at how nervous I am. So many things are running through my mind right now… but mainly the nightmare complication stories I read seem to be appearing more often than anything else…. all I can picture is me walking around with a couple of purple grapefruits between my legs. Probably shouldn’t have read those yet.

Anyway, I am 39 with two terrific kids and vasectomy is the best option for my wife and me right now. It’s a definite must to discuss all of your options before you decide to do this to determine that it is the right choice for you.

Although my doctor was recommended from our family practice, I still took the direction from the site and ensured that my doctor has performed a number of these – successfully. Turns out that he is one of the best around and he has performed thousands of successful vasectomies – OK, feeling a bit better about it now… after all, numbers don’t lie… right?

Bought the jockstrap, razor, 6 bags of frozen peas, and plenty of DVDs to pass the time – wanted to buy two jockstraps, based on the recommendation from one of the bloggers to put the bag of peas between them, but there must have been a convention in town or something – I bought the very last one… go figure. As instructed in some of the “happy” stories, I have spoken to my doctor about the possibility of a valium, just in case of a wig out – they are ready.

Taking my IPOD to the surgery… don’t know if they will let me use it, but I’m going to give it a shot.

Struggling right now with the decision to tell the kids – both girls, 9 and 13. Not sure how they will react to this news… probably with a shoulder shrug, hope you’re OK, can I have the remote now Dad? We’ll see… if all goes well and healing is quick, there may be an option to not have to tell them… still thinking about it.

Friday, March 10th: D-Day

Well, it’s officially official…I’ve been neutered. It wasn’t nearly as bad of a procedure as I had built up in my mind… stirrups, scalpels, cute nurses all standing around looking at me in all my glory was what I was certain I was in for…but….in fact, it was actually quite easy. Aside from the humbling experience of being completely naked from the waist down in front of someone other than my wife, it was kind of funny.

The prep nurse finished the “somewhat good” job of shaving I had meticulously performed in front of the mirror, all the while moving my appendage around like wet sock…I mean really…it didn’t even phase her..plop to one side, plop to the other – I actually felt myself getting a little hurt that she didn’t even say anything complimentary of my buddy….something like “wow” or “hmmm” would’ve been in line…or how about “nice penis!”….anything? I think by this time I would’ve even been satisfied with a negative acknowledgment….Nope. Not a word. Guess it’s better that way….

Once she finished shaving me, she covered everything up except for the surgical area and made a quick exit – in walks the doctor and another nurse – oh great, who else got tickets to the show?… now I’m wondering how many more will come in to watch, but it turned out that that was it. After a quick examination of the area, the doctor explained that I would feel a sting from the needle and that I shouldn’t feel anything else after that. Barely felt the sting. Did, however, feel the sledgehammer that was taken to my left testicle as the local made its way into me – I was certain that pliers were NOT considered surgical tools….only lasted for a second, and then it was over – never felt anything else throughout the 40-minute procedure.

I was able to take my IPOD into the operating room, and for all those out there reading this – TAKE ONE IN THERE! It really helped calm my nerves and made the time go by faster. It turned out that my vas was one of the more difficult he had performed, because of all the tissue (scar I’m assuming) in my scrotum. Soccer all my life and an oh-my-god-I’m-dying kick to the balls from horseback in college was all I could think of that would cause it…mess with my nuts will ya doc…huh?

The doc finished up, I got dressed and waddled out of the office like a bowlegged bull rider. Now into the car – pharmacy, then home. Of all the helpful stories I read prior to the op, most all of them made inferences to the pain of the ride home. I have to say that they are entirely accurate. The ride home has been the worst part of the whole ordeal…bumps and turns become quick uppercuts to the groin…no fun. No fun at all.

Got home, swallowed the Vicodin, carefully slid the jockstrap on, grabbed a bag of peas, and crawled up on the couch for Man Day at the Movies…nothing really excruciating thus far with a few exceptions….but I do have the next couple of days to look forward to….

Saturday March 11th: The Day After

Well, after being the recommended couch slug for two days, I can honestly say that I’m feeling better this evening than I have all day. One jockstrap was worn continuously, six bags of frozen peas (rotated), a few Vicodin, and about 400 movies after the surgery, it seems that I am only feeling soreness now. Nothing swollen, purple, or eggplant-like between my legs and I am beginning to move around a little. Oh don’t get me wrong, I can feel it pretty good still, but it’s more like a pulled muscle instead of an appendage having been ripped from my flesh. Sudden movements still keep my pain sensors in check, but nothing that’s going to turn me into a blubbering idiot. If the improvement continues in this manner, I’ll be back playing soccer in a couple of weeks…we’ll see – hope I’m not being overly optimistic.

FYI: We decided to tell our 13-year-old, but have refrained for the 9 year old. The 13 year old had all but figured it out anyway… damn snoopy teenagers. She seems ok with it and understands the reasons why. NOT as big a deal as it could’ve been.

Sunday, March 12th: 2 Days Post Surgery

Woke up this morning to the worst pain in my nads yet….probably the way I slept (first night off the couch) or something, but it was pretty rough. Every move made me acutely aware that a) I have a pair, and b) Somebody’s been “nut-cracking” them while I explored my REM sleep phases…geeez. I’ll feel better if I get up and move around – showered (carefully), shaved, and went to church. Surely the good Lord will be compassionate with me for making my way to the pew…..Stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down – NOT a good way to spend the second morning after the big snip. OK…after church I’ll go home, take a vic, and veg out for a little while…that was the trick. The pain subsided, went to my daughter’s soccer game, came home, and took it easy…felt better by the end of the night. In retrospect, the moving around probably helped in a masochistic sort of way.

Monday March 13th: 3 Days Post Surgery

Woke up this morning feeling great – very little pain…I’m going to work! (Not a physical job, but a lot of driving and moving around)…the day was great – a few adjustments and mistaken leg-crossings kept my confidence in check, but all in all, it was a pretty normal day. Went home, no vic, played with the kids, and went to bed. I’m on the road to recovery!

Tuesday March 14: 4 Days Post Surgery

Feeling a bit rough this morning – must’ve moved around a lot in my sleep. Not as bad as Sunday, but still painful. Up, showered, shaved, and out the door to work – I’ll work it off. It should be noted that I made a slight judgment in error this morning….boxers. Holy shit what a mistake that was. Being in lock-down with the jock-strap for 3 days, I guess I didn’t realize that there was a tad bit of swelling that had taken place since the op – felt every move – ALL DAY. Every time I got into or out of a chair, I squashed one of my nads…all-day total, I bet I kicked myself in the balls around 18 times. Needless to say, I felt like throwing up by the end of the day…no kidding, it was horrible. Made it home, popped a vic, put my balls best friend on (off went the boxers!), and kicked back. Feeling better now…definitely wearing the strap tomorrow…slept on the couch out of fear of the soft mattress…

Wednesday, March 15th: 5 Days Post Surgery

Feeling good this morning…but be damned to hell if I am going to wear boxers again. Got ready, put the strap on, and went to work. GREAT day. Hardly any pain at all today – feel like I am certainly on the road to recovery now – this is the best day since last Friday. Felt a little rough at the end of the night, but nothing major. Will get a pain check in the morning to see where we are…am utterly optimistic about the prospect of becoming totally pain-free… Yahoo!

Submitted by Christopher