Clay’s experience: Regret over making the decision alone

My wife and I have 4 children. When my wife was pregnant with our youngest child she brought up the idea of a vasectomy. We didn’t really discuss it, but I assumed it was what she wanted. When our son was 6 weeks old, I had the vasectomy done.

I had gone to the consultation appointment by myself and made all the arrangements. I live in a small community and all surgeries are booked on one day of the week. My wife couldn’t get a babysitter so she just dropped me off at the hospital. The nurse told her that I would be a couple of hours. Well, I didn’t call to check in with her and the hospital failed to keep her informed, and by 4 hours later, she was a panicked mess! By the time she was able to pick me up, she was worried and angry and scared, etc.

She was very attentive that first day. The doctor gave me the go-ahead to go back to work the day after the operation. I admit that I was very uninformed about the procedure and the after-effects. I ended up popping a stitch out. Then I developed an infection.

My wife, as it turned out, didn’t want me to have the vasectomy. It triggered postpartum depression and she is now in therapy. It has only been 1 month and 3 days since the procedure and I regret it every day. I feel bad that I didn’t discuss it more with my wife. I feel bad that I made her feel left out of the whole process.

This is supposed to be a decision that couples make together, and I made it for us. She resents me for that. She even looks at me differently. If I had it to do over again I would have waited until the baby was older. It may have been easier for her to deal with if she didn’t have the hormones to deal with on top of everything else.

I find out now that most doctors don’t advise having one until the child is 6 months old. I also find out now that many doctors suggest counseling before the deed. I wish I had asked more questions. Neither one of these things were brought up to me. As a matter of fact, I was given no information on pre-op preparations, such as shaving, or post-op care such as wearing briefs. It has been a horrible experience mentally and emotionally for my wife and in turn, myself.

Well, anyway, the stitches didn’t end up dissolving so I had to have them removed. I am not healing properly. My wife is worried that I will never look “normal” down there again. She won’t touch me there as she is scared to hurt me. Sex is lacking because I have lost some of the sensitivity somehow. I am now healed as much as most guys are within the first week (5 weeks tomorrow for me). My wife won’t let me do anything around the house because of my condition. Around the incisions, I have developed a hard, puffy lump and to top everything off, within the last couple of days, I have noticed a slight pain in my right testicle.

I will keep you all posted on the progress of my situation. If you think my story might be helpful to others to learn from my mistakes, you certainly have my permission to post it on the website.

Submitted by Clay