Jeff’s experience: A trip to Sunkist land

Hi all. Like many of the other contributors to this page, I thought I’d share my experience so that any of you who are considering vasectomy might breathe a bit easier.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years now (we’re both 30), and throughout that time we have discussed in detail the subject of whether or not we wanted to have children many times. It seemed that we always came to the same conclusion: We have lots of nieces and nephews who we love dearly, but we’re just not the parenting type. This seems to become more certain after every weekend we spend looking after them. I’d agreed to get a vasectomy a long time ago since it’s plainly easier for me to get it done than for her to have a tubal ligation, but I just never got around to it. I don’t know why, I suppose subconsciously I was nervous about it.

Anyway, about a month ago a friend of mine who has also decided with his wife to remain childless handed me a little note (quietly) and whispered in my ear that he was going in for a vasectomy. He knew that I was planning it as well and on the note was the phone number and website of a vasectomy clinic in our hometown. Hmmm… I thought, and the wheels started turning fast. So that night I went to the website and sat down with my wife to confirm the decision. The next day I called for my first appointment.

Pre-op

Now, at this point, any of you who have had the procedure done will have to admit that you have to recognize the humor in the situation. For example, the clinic I went to is also a general practice, so there I am reading the literature in the waiting room, trying not to let everybody there see the large diagrams of a penis and testicles that I’m looking at. At one point, a fellow came walking out of the doctor’s office, and of course, I’m looking at him out of the corner of my eye, thinking ‘Did he just have it done?’ and checking to see how he’s walking. In retrospect, I’m sure he had. I now recognize the walk.

So the doctor comes out and beckons me in. As we’re walking to his office, he’s getting into small talk with me, but frankly, my mind’s just not on it. I’m getting kind of nervous at this point. We sat down in his office, and he went over the standard questions about whether I’m certain of this decision, etc. Actually, he was very good at it. Then he explained the procedure to me, just as in the literature. I commented that it seemed pretty ‘quick and dirty’ and that I wasn’t too worried. Then he said ‘OK then, pull your pants down around your knees and climb up on the table’. OK, now I was feeling uncomfortable. I mean, I don’t even like to shower in public. Especially considering how nervous I was… the expression ‘two peanuts and a cashew’ springs to mind. Plus it was wintertime.

After yanking and poking at me for a minute or so, he told me I could pull up my pants and sit up. I don’t think I ever got dressed so fast. Then he told me I could go to the reception desk and make my appointment for the procedure. As we walked back to the waiting room, again we killed the tension with some small talk. I said, ‘Well, I guess next time I see you…’ and what I’m thinking is ‘you’ll be sterilizing me’ but I’m trying to think of a funny way to say it. Suddenly he fills in: ‘We’ll be doing the dirty’ – a reference to my earlier comment about it being a ‘quick and dirty’ procedure. We both just kind of stopped in our tracks as he did the math on this, and then he said: ‘No, wait, that’s not right…’. I guess not. I don’t know what some people go in for, but I was only interested in a vasectomy.

I made an appointment for about a week and a half later, which I missed, so I ended up going in about two and a half weeks after my consultation. Plenty of time to confirm my decision. Also, it gave me time to pepper my friend with questions about his vasectomy – complete with details. I’d seen him a few days after he had it done, and I couldn’t help but notice ‘the walk’. I asked him about any pain and at first, he described it as similar to having someone continuously squeezing his testicles, much like a winemaker might squeeze a grape. He played me with this for a while before he let me know that in fact, the pain was really not that bad. In his future, I see some kind of revenge for this.

The vasectomy

On the day of my actual procedure, I found I was more anxious to have it over with than anything else. I was working on the second day of a migraine headache so I figured I may as well be shot for a sheep as a lamb anyway. If any doubt about having it done remained, it was taken away by the woman in the waiting room who’s the small child was plainly VERY upset about something. I could hear him wailing all the way down the hall. Did I mention the migraine? I hope the poor kid is feeling better now.

Finally, the doctor came out to get me. There wasn’t a lot of fanfare, he just made sure I had my tight undies, and asked me to once again pull my pants down and hop up on the table. Now, I’m not afraid of pain, but I wasn’t exactly keen to see what he was doing so I made a point to keep looking up. He got his instruments together, laid a paper sheet over my genitals, and got started. One thing to be prepared for is that although the procedure itself is painless, the initial seizing of your testicles so he can position the vas deferens for the needle is a bit rough. Once this was set up, to prepare me for the needle he said: ‘You’re going to feel a little prick’. I recall thinking that I was about to say the same to him. Stupid things that make you laugh when you’re nervous- my buddy and I had earlier joked about just how many ‘hammers’ the doctor must have seen in his career. Guy stuff, I guess. In any case, it helped to break the tension.

Once the anesthetic was in, I couldn’t feel the incision or cutting. That said, there is a sensation of tugging or squeezing that feels like it’s coming from the testicles. It’s fairly uncomfortable but nothing to be alarmed about. I had the no-scalpel procedure, so part of this includes the doctor cauterizing the now severed Vas Deferens. My advice is, try to ignore the brief hissing sound, and pretend you don’t notice the smell like burning hair. The whole procedure was over before I knew it, and he was placing the gauze bandage on me and telling me it was all done. I thanked him (kind of silly, but what do you say to the man who just sterilized you?) and made my way out.

Post-op

I had planned to work the rest of the day (I had it done around noon on a Wednesday) but the soreness was already setting in so I elected just to go home and put my feet up. By the time I got home, the aching was getting pretty good. Not intolerable, but getting out of the car was an experience. I was already doing ‘the walk’ as well. I’ve mentioned this a few times now, so here it is picture the way a penguin, or ET, shuffles their feet while simultaneously swinging their body from side to side. There, that’s it, that’s the walk. No need to practice, you’ll figure it out soon enough.

The first couple of days are not too bad, but you will feel sore. I found that lying on my back and using an ice pack made a real difference. On the positive side, I found that the sympathy from my wife made for some guilt-free laziness. Yes, I worked the next two weekdays but at home, I didn’t have to lift a finger. That didn’t last more than a couple of days, mind you. I’ve found that I didn’t bruise much compared to some others I’ve heard about. As of today, it’s been five days since I had the procedure done and although there’s still a little bit of soreness I’m pretty much back up to speed. I’ve ‘tested the equipment’ and aside from a little blood in the semen (which is nothing to worry about and I’m told clears up quickly) everything works just fine with absolutely no pain. I’m looking forward to getting the all-clear three months from now. That should be early summer and just in season for Sunkist Oranges (all juice, no seeds)!

If you’re thinking of having a vasectomy, I hope this has helped you to see that it’s not really such a big deal. Good luck!

Submitted by Jeff