Mark’s experience: My two-hour no-scalpel vasectomy

I read all of the positive posts on this website, and each one helped to calm my nerves a little bit before my procedure. I would like to commend this site on the wealth of information and support is provided for me in the weeks leading up to my procedure.

Background

I have two beautiful children from a previous marriage, a boy and a girl, (ages 5 and 3) who live out of state. Every month I fly to visit them, and I have them in the summer and for two additional weeks throughout the year. I enjoy every ounce of time with them that I have, and every dollar spent on airline tickets is worth it. My current fiance (who also has two children both girls ages 10 and 3) and I had a bit of an “accident” last summer. From the moment the line on that little stick turned blue, I knew two things. First, I couldn’t imagine anyone in the world I would rather experience the miracle of childbirth with than my fiance, and second, three children (in two states) was going to be it for me and since the “pill” has proven to be an evil hormone-mangling “Jekyll and Hyde” drug for almost every woman I know, I knew I was going to have to face the knife.

Story

For the past 9 months, I’ve been dreading the moment of my vasectomy. I can’t imagine anyone more squeamish than me, (although some of the posts in this website come pretty close), but anxiety aside, I knew this was something I must do for my own peace of mind. The baby was about to fall out on any given day, and I wanted to be 100% done with this mess and worry-free by the time it was born, so I made the appointment for Friday, March 22nd, 2002.

In the weeks leading up to the procedure, I was a mess, had problems sleeping, and kept obsessing over the impending doom about to occur upon my testicles. My fiance kept reminding me of the amount of pain that she was about to endure during childbirth, but frankly, women will never understand the fear and pain of trauma to the testicles, and men will never understand the pain and trauma of childbirth, and those are facts we must accept about each other.

So the day comes, I had read/heard all of the stories from this site and from friends who had had it done, and gathered all of the information, seen pictures of the procedure, and knew exactly what it was that was about to happen to me. At the consultation the doctor told me that I needed to “relax”, and I told him that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to, and so he prescribed 20mg of valium for me which I took 1/2 hour before the procedure. By the time I reached the waiting room of the doctor’s office on V-Day, I was feeling pretty relaxed from the valium, and I was doing quite well right up until I heard those 16 dreaded words: “Strip from the waist down, lay on this table, and place your legs in the stirrups.” At that moment no amount of valium in the world was going to help. I did as instructed and they placed the sheet over my waist. When the doctor came in shortly after (a young very pleasant talkative fellow who does tons of these procedures each year), I was in a cold sweat, tensed up, arms folded across my eyes, breathing heavily. He kept telling me to relax, but I couldn’t.

Nobody told me exactly how the doctor “retrieves” the vas tubes. It seems like I am the only one for which this was a problem and I feel it only fair to warn others of exactly how this works. Yes, there are little or no nerves in the vas deferens, and when the numbing agent is administered, you feel nothing in either the scrotum or the vas. Even the prick from the needle is nothing at all. However, in order to locate the vas, and get them into the desired position, the doctor must grab a hold of your testicle, and squeeze, pull and twist it. Your testicles are NOT NUMBED, and so, therefore, THIS HURTS!

In my case, this violent pulling and twisting went on for about 20 minutes for one side and 40 minutes for the other (I had a hernia operation as a child I knew the left side would be a problem!) It was a nightmare. It is this violent squeezing, pulling, twisting, and turning of the testicles that sent me straight through the roof for almost a full hour. With each tug, I winced and cried out in pain, and each time the doctor said the same thing “I know it hurts, don’t worry bud – I’ll get it I always do, you’re doing great.”… but the more he worked the testicles the more it hurt.

Arms still folded over my face, I prayed and prayed in desperation that he would JUST PLEASE find the vas, and when he finally did, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I wasn’t looking at any of this but I know that after he got me where he needed to get me, he extracted the vas, clamped it, cut it, and burned it, and all the while I had no sensation of this whatsoever. We were talking about all sorts of things while he was cutting and burning, and I felt absolutely nothing.

The actual operation itself is completely and totally painless, it is the maneuvering of the testicles that is the most excruciating part of the procedure. The doctor said I was a difficult case because “of the way, I was built”, and because of “my anatomy”, and also because of my hernia operation on the left side. At one point he actually said that his hands were tired! He took a breather and he gave me some advice. He said, “Do not schedule ANY kind of procedure for the afternoons (which I did), the surgeon has probably done a few that day and is probably going to be worn out by the time he gets to you.” Good advice for anyone out there picking a time for your vasectomy. “The early bird gets the worm” – that is a profoundly interesting cliche to use in this case.

Anyway, he had a lot more trouble with the left side as I mentioned, and at one point he said that if he had to go any longer he would have to move me to the O.R. where they would give me general anesthesia, and continue the operation. I remember thinking to myself, “Look, I cant feel my scrotum, I cant feel the vas, I cant feel the incision, why don’t you just open me up! Heck, just cut the whole scrotum off if you HAVE TO!” – and finally, I politely asked him why he wouldn’t make a larger incision, and be done with it. He just reassured me that he “would get it”, and not to worry.

He was very busy. I cannot even begin to describe to you the overwhelming sense of relief I felt when he finally got at the vas on the left side. I actually laughed out loud. He sewed me up, (again I could not feel this at all), let me get dressed, and I walked out smiling ear to ear into the waiting room where my beautiful fiance was awaiting. She was a sight for sore eyes (and sore balls!)

I was swollen and sore, bruised and battered, but I was ok, I could get around. I took all of my Tylenol with Codeine, within the first 4 days, and kept frozen peas in my jock-strap almost all day long. All of the people who came over for our barbeque the next day had a good laugh at my frozen peas, but I wonder if they would have had the balls to do what I did (literally and figuratively).

Anyway, I tested the equipment the next day (believe it or not), and everything is in perfect working order. The following day my fiance generously and gingerly helped me test it once more (sex helps to induce labor, so it was win-win for both of us!), again, no problem. Today, 5 days later, I am still swollen but feeling much better. Not much pain at all when I move around. I think my recovery is going to be a bit longer than usual because of the trauma I had to endure during the procedure.

Still no baby yet, but she is progressing and contracting, and they may induce my fiance soon. I am SO relieved that I have done my part here, and I am so ready for this baby to come! Can’t wait.

Do I regret doing this? Hell no! Am I glad it’s over? Hell yes! Would I recommend it? Yes. Is it painful? I guess that depends on who you are, for me and my anatomy, yes it was horrible but I don’t think that is the norm.

Submitted by Mark