Pablo’s experience: Mental vs physical side of a vasectomy

Had my vasectomy performed yesterday. No stitches, very gentle, all in all.

What goes on inside your head is far worse than the actual experience, at least up to this point – I haven’t even used all that much ice, and there’s very little swelling or discomfort. I am taking it quite easy, though.

For some reason, I was quite euphoric leading to and during the procedure. The crew had a radio with old hits playing on the radio, and I’d join them in guessing a few of the songs – a very relaxed atmosphere while the doctor was doing his stuff, and the cauterization smell was the only thing that gave some sort of activity away. I didn’t feel anything, truly.

What I feel now is simply a dull and mild discomfort, and I can’t tell you how much of it is physical and how much mental. I slept like a baby, that is for sure.

It’s Monday night now, so I am finishing my third post-vasectomy day, and thought I’d just provide a brief factual update on my physical condition. In a word: fine.

In fact, I was doing so fine this morning that I did my usual 1 hour of hard cardio exercise, 30 mins on the Stairmaster, and 30 mins on the stationary bike. No problem. Just when I went for a chin-up series, and the subsequent ab session, I noticed that maybe it’d be prudent to wait. But I am truly perfectly fine, and it’s really not that I am as pain resistant as a Navy seal. Getting a tattoo was more drama than this.

A certain very dull and very remote discomfort remains. There is no way I’d describe it, like others, as a mild kick in the balls. I often ask myself whether it’s all just in my head.

There’s minimal to no swelling. The incisions and two small dark spots are the only visible remainder. I’ve been keeping the area clean and applied Neosporin (a mild anti-bacterial cream, for the benefit of the non-US audience) once or twice a day. I used some ice on Friday, twice on Saturday, once on Sunday, and don’t feel the need to continue that. The cold is more unpleasant than anything else…

I’ve read some of the horror stories on the site, and of course, wonder about whether things will stay as smooth. To be honest, I am not even sure what type of procedure I had done – it is a very reputable hospital where they make many of them, thus I felt in the right hands. The size of the incision seems to indicate it was not the non-scalpel version (no stitches, though?) and I am not sure whether this is open-ended or not.

Now it’s off to get some rest – I am doing my cardio again early tomorrow.

The story and background

I am 38, a fitness freak, and have a gorgeous and great wife. We have no kids. We tried a long time – tried and tried to the point where it cast a huge shadow over our marriage. We went for 2 artificial cycles, for the 2nd one she had to force my arm into it because even at that time (a year ago) I’d had it with trying to have kids. I resented the element of disappointment, sadness, and worry it had brought into our marriage. Nearly a year ago, after the second attempt at artificial conception failed (I should note doctors never found out why we didn’t get pregnant since we’re a picture of health), I thought me and my wife had agreed to try to move on, and not try or even talk about kids for a year. Several months after that, I notice that her friends are handing her gifts like fertility symbols and “lucky” stuff – and I raised my eyebrow. Then she claimed that we were pregnant. At that point, I was not exactly thrilled, but I knew I’d come around to be glad about it, and had my moments of joy and looking forward to a child. Then – it was just a blighted ovum or something, and my wife required surgery to flush the whole thing. Heartbreak again. So I have *really* had it. It’s been over 2 years of misery due to the quest for children. We should be people who totally enjoy life.

After introspective, careful, and long deliberation, I tell my wife I am willing to put my balls where my mouth is and want to have a vasectomy to make sure we move past the point of hope for a miracle. After all her heartbreak and suffering, she can’t totally accept it.

The decision alone made me feel very liberated, it makes me feel like I am putting a bad phase behind me and simply now can proceed to move on.

It will be sad if my wife, in the end, and after all, we have been through together, doesn’t feel she is ready to move on with me. But I can’t stay there anymore, about to turn 39 and having so many things in life that should make me a very happy man. Time will tell.

I guess the thought process and story surrounding the vasectomy is often far more eventful and intense than the procedure itself. It takes some powerful reasons to have us men consider someone cut around our balls, really. It sounds bad, but really, if you’re considering it, the physical part should not at all be a concern. It’s all just very dull and remote discomfort that might be more psychological than physical, at least for me.

I feel my story is one that will have a small addendum after some time.

24 April 2002 Update

Since it’s my story, and since I am somewhat amazed by the polarized tone of the debate in the alt.support.vasectomy newsgroup in general, here’s an update.

Just a few weeks after, I am doing absolutely fine. It just took me 5 days or so to get back to utterly and perfectly normal, which includes a daily 40 mins of cardio and 45 mins of ambitious weight training on average. In fact, I started doing cardio again after taking it easy for 2 days. I am 38.

I am somewhat surprised by several things when it comes to vasectomy, and one of them is the number of men that, when things go wrong, see some major conspiracy going on that kept them from making the wrong choice. I’d rather blame the macho attitude we guys have to simply heroically charge ahead when we make a decision and simply don’t do our homework. I have been there before – I was active in competitive sports, and despite all the readily available information on the consequences of some of the stuff that I did, I felt like I had to ignore it and hope I’d get lucky. We men are conditioned to at times dismiss risk. It consistently comes back to bite us in our dealing with medicine. We’re not supposed to signal we’re afraid of pain or risk, we’re supposed to be loyal troopers that go along with Doctor’s order, etc – several of our so-called key values are not very good when it comes to dealing with the medical system.

I was quite aware of the horror stories going into this. Based on that, I specifically looked for the no-scalpel way of things and wrote down the questions I wanted to ask a doctor to really make sure I felt at ease and made my decision contingent on how I felt about it *after* the consultation, with *that* particular doctor, at a place that had a very good reputation. It seems many men have already made their decision beforehand, and just go for whatever is most convenient – don’t!!! Make sure you check who’s dealing with that crucial part of you, that is my most solid advice, be it with this or any other medical procedure. As someone who was crippled for 3 months by a butcher doctor doing my knees many years ago, I learned my bitter lesson about doing due diligence. Don’t take short-cuts there. I spent a long time with the doctor and asked the questions I thought critical. *Any* question marks remaining… I would have gone to another doctor. Especially where my balls are concerned.

I am not saying that attitude alone spared me complications. I have no doubt many do their due diligence and still get unlucky for a variety of reasons. I am sure I also got lucky. But I also think I did not push my luck.

Personally, I also made sure of going into the procedure in pristine physical shape. My nutrition I always watch, but I made sure it was truly sharp leading up to this procedure. I also self-prescribed myself Arnica in the days prior to the procedure – it’s homeopathic stuff that supposedly speeds up the healing process. Vitamin stuff and other things good for your immune system are certainly not bad, either.

The procedure was utterly smooth. I drove back myself (20min drive) and only followed the ice-pack procedure for the first few hours. By keeping my activity level down, I was doing just fine. No real physical discomfort and I tend to be a whiner about physical pain, mostly psychological.

No, I repeat, *no* effect remained after only 2 weeks. The little incisions are fully healed, I can jump around and do whatever and feel no difference. In fact, I’d like a visible little scar to remain as a memory for myself, but at this rate, I don’t think I’ll be able to ever tell I had the procedure in another week or two.

This is not to tell everybody they should go get theirs done – hell no. This *is* intrusive stuff that alters your body for life, and also majorly affects choices you have in life going forward. It’s a lifelong commitment. Take it seriously, and do your due diligence. Even when you make the decision to go for it, give yourself sufficient time to research your options, doctors in the area, and find out their reputation.

We men just often don’t tend to take our medical needs very seriously. Stats show we are half-hearted about yearly check-ups, that we hate hospitals, that we do not invest 5% of the care that women invest in picking their doctors into picking ours. I think it’s that attitude, rather than the lack of available information, that haunts us not only with this procedure but with medical procedures in general. This is not an area of your body that you want to use to learn that lesson.

7th May 2003 Update. Thoughts one year later

Since my one year mark is up, I thought I’d provide yet another update. It is my impression the discussions about vasectomy become somewhat distorted because the guys that have no problems whatsoever simply go on, live their lives, and mostly stop contributing to the discussion. Understandably, those with issues make sure their points come across and feel strongly about issuing warnings.

As I mentioned before, my agenda is not at all to get others to go for a vasectomy, to claim it’s the greatest thing, and even less to try to dismiss the cautionary stories of others that run into problems. As with many things in life, you have to do what’s right for you based on your very own reasons, and then face up to the fact there is a certain risk. Nevertheless, I want to show those who see themselves in a situation similar to mine that there is also the case of those who feel much better off at *all* levels after their vasectomy.

I had already reported I felt no effects after only a few weeks. A year into this, I am doing great, mentally, and physically, well aware the two are correlated. The three questions some friends asking me about this come up with are:

Do you REALLY not feel ANY effects?

Honestly, I don’t. I do not say this because getting a vasectomy was crucial enough for me to be willing to pay a price in discomfort or any other physical compromise. There is no discomfort whatsoever, ever. My libido is far better than it had been for years, and this is simply because it was a big relief for me to put the kids’ questions behind me. Also, I am a lot in sports and take some narcissistic pride in my physical appearance. If anything, I look better than I have in 3 years as I am about to turn 40, having put on another 5 lbs of pure muscle over the last year. So my metabolism hasn’t changed at all – if anything, there’d be a change for the better.

Is sex REALLY the same?

Honestly, to me, it’s better. No doubt the reason is psychological. And it’s not like I was having any problems before. But now it’s awesome. I’ve had the best in 10 years over the last 12 months. The functions are just the same, it’s just all a bit more intense due to the improved mental state. In the best of Olympic spirit: harder, farther. 🙂 If you need the explicit medical lingo: for me, there’s been an improvement in erectile function and ejaculation volume. But it’s because I simply have fun. Daily. 🙂

Have you ever had pangs of regret?

Never. Really. I might have pangs of regret about the fact my path in life, in the end, didn’t lead to having kids, yes. But never about the vasectomy. If that strikes you as contradictory, you probably should not consider a vasectomy if your circumstances sound like the ones I had.

Now I can go about that elusive human business of seeking true happiness *knowing* kids will no longer be part of what will determine that for me. I am free to explore other options in life. To me, it’s what was needed to open a new door in life and close one that wasn’t making me happy. But again, that’s all due to the psychological element, and the physical is as simple as stating there’s been no truly noticeable change whatsoever. The only reminder is a tiny scar on one side that is only visible from a certain angle.

But, again, this is no pro-vasectomy PR. It’s your mental framework that is the key here. If you have doubts: why the rush? Take your time, do your homework, and consider other options. hey, the latter advice goes for everybody: learn, research, take your time. And do some real introspection. It was a very personal path in life that got me to the point where I considered this, and even then I took my time to make sure it was not a decision I would regret later. I do not think many guys truly realize how much fertility might mean subconsciously, and how the loss of it might in turn affect the subconscious. To me, it became immensely liberating to put it behind me. To others, it might be crippling. The procedure and the aftermath itself is a breeze, really, at least it was to me, and most likely that was the case because I did it for all the right reasons, and had made sure that was the case.

Update 5 March 2005. Three years later

I was here for half a year in ’02 after my vasectomy. At the time, the doomsayers said that my experience after a few months didn’t count for anything. I think many of us get involved with this discussion initially, yet as times passes we simply move on and never report or for that matter think much about it. It’s like simply live my life and sometimes go “oh, it’s true, I had one”.

For the record: 3 years later, everything’s working beautifully, and I keep on enjoying sex far more than I had in the years leading up to the vasectomy. Not that it was ever bad. Not a single second of regret for me. Which does not mean I encourage anyone to do it: think long and hard about your own personal motivation for it, as I always said.

Submitted by Pablo (Vasectomy Class of 2002)