Paul’s experience: My vasectomy story

It may be too early to put in a story, but now seems the right time before the clarity is lost.

I came out of a long relationship with an infertile woman, and I still have no desire to have children. At 39 I still look early 30’s and have some interest from some younger, and my guess fertile women. Before enjoying my status of born again virgin, my biggest fear is the impact of getting someone pregnant; it happens even with contraception.

The one answer I gave my GP impacted on my vasectomy story, as I’m in Australia, “Do you have private health insurance?”, I replied yes and lots of dollars later, as I elected to have a big excess with my insurance, I have the deluxe general anesthetic vasectomy.

It didn’t creep up on me. I had plenty of opportunities to back out, but an urge in me said go for the ride, and that is what I did. The urologist put forward a good point that he has a surgery full of any type of tool needed, and it was easier if I was under as I didn’t move. It was to be the closed type. From what I’ve read it is irrelevant open or closed; just get it done properly.

After the cost of the urologist, anesthetist, and hospital fees for the cast of thousands on the day it cost me 1K Australian (US$ 800), the other choice was $60 in a GP doctor’s surgery.

The procedure

I had never done the hospital thing before, and I liked the urologist, so I had a good feeling for it all. The good feeling ended on the day with all the preoperative waiting, especially going into the theatre. I started to get scared and worried for some reason. If I didn’t have a gown showing my ass and all my valuables locked away I would have legged it.

In the end, it came down to being out of control. One of my philosophies is “Only trust people if you are prepared to have them let you down”. That deal went out the window; unconscious with 5 strangers and quite literally “My dick swinging in the wind” pushed that position.

The anesthetist’s nurse came out first and fully informed me that I would have a drip, and named the particular drug to be used because it was slow-acting and more pleasant. He touched me on the shoulder and said, you will be in, it will be over and then you can have a cup of coffee. It was a nice touch.

They knocked me out very quickly, I was told it would start in 10 seconds after a syringe was added to my drip, the arm blood pressure monitor was being attached and I was still in full hospital garb. When I looked up and felt relaxed for the first time and things seemed a bit distant, I remember thinking it’s starting I’ll fade out soon. Next thing I’m lying around in post-op thinking how good I felt and around 20 minutes passed before I got dressed and I remember it as about 5. I had no pain at all and in fact, didn’t even think I had had an operation until I got dressed and saw a bit of blood on the sides.

The anesthetic definitely affects your memory and perception of time immediately after, and I found my vocabulary missing a bit still a few days later, let alone trying to spell. Only a slight headache, but nothing more.

On my return home I repositioned “The boys” upwards so I could sleep on my side, and applied frozen peas which I put in thin freezer bags; quartered from a 1 kg bag. I used the 2 underpants method as read on this site. The peas are great as you can stick them in and leave them. Ice would freeze you, but the peas with their spherical shape transfer the cold to each other slowly and form nicely to the shape. I changed the peas between 1 to 2 hours.

I watched the clock waiting for the local to wear off and the pain to begin. But it never came. I had already prepared with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for the pain; rationalizing that it is an artifact and irrelevant to the brain and to be ignored. I also used a little trick of mine of mental vasoconstriction exercises. This is where you squeeze your hand and transfer the action to another point; good for stopping bleeding from a cut. I concentrated on the whole testicular area, as well as any sensation I felt; which was more discomfort, than pain. I also stayed in bed as much as possible, although with “The boys” up, 2 pairs of underpants, and frozen peas giving me a good looking bulge, I moved around without any problems. It was only when I went for a number two, and my testicles hung for about 5 minutes the discomfort built slowly.

I only took some paracetamol for a slight headache, which didn’t work, so I took some more, but still no pain from the nether regions. No great swelling either, I have “Dangling” testes “A prime candidate for a vasectomy” as the urologist said, so the cold made them all compressed, making it difficult to tell if there was any swelling. I would guess at a little, also only a small area of bruising on one side.

At this stage, I would say it is a great result. I didn’t witness the operation so my body almost doesn’t recognize it. I have taken good care; it will be 2 days of rest, and then back to work the following night; nothing strenuous involved. I also think the extra time in an operating surgery could have aided the job; although there are still plenty of happy endings from the “Local doctors” surgery.

36 hours on, and all is well.

One month later

All is still fine. My only problem was one side experiencing pain when sleeping “Free” about a week later. I thought the top of the stitch had caught, but the inside had opened up. When the stitches self extracted a week later, one side was gaping. No real discharge or pain, but I taped it together, but it never knitted. At one month after the operation, the swelling went down and the wound was more absorbed than closed up.

I was told by my urologist that people of a certain “Emotional disposition” have the problems with chronic pain afterwards and I would have no problem.

Still single, self seduction has established no difference to sexual pleasure, orgasm or ejaculation. I will wait until 3 months for a test, to check for zero swimmers.

3 months later

There was “A few dead sperm”. The Urologist called me and said I wasn’t clear, and in some cases, a few can slip through after. “How” is what I thought, but he said to have a test a few months later.

6 months after the operation

I finally decide to be seduced by the jar again. The result was no sperm. I’m now a member of the infertile club. Although I didn’t need it immediately, it was good to have it done. I experienced no pain, no difference in sexual pleasure, the ejaculate looks the same, and no difference to pick anywhere.

For me, it helps as a communication tool. I say to a woman “I’ve had a vasectomy” they respond “You can have it reversed”; I say “No chance”. We have a clear understanding, which is different from “I don’t want to have children”, where the woman still sees you as having the juice, but not willing to share it for procreation… yet.

It eliminates a certain section of prospective partners but makes things more honest. I practice safe sex anyway, but if there is some stupid drunken activity, I know there will be no surprises later.

A good result all round and I would highly recommend a vasectomy.

Submitted by Paul