Rick’s experience: Wife is not interested in sex after the vasectomy

I suppose I am here to learn and share my experiences.

I had a vasectomy done in January 1995. I was 35 at the time. We had one ten-year-old child who was/is extremely hyperactive and troublesome to us. We tried for several years for another baby, but after two painful and emotionally draining miscarriages, we decided we’d had enough. When my son turned 10, we decided we definitely did not want any more children.

I felt a vasectomy was the thing to do. To undergo a simple procedure versus her undergoing a much more invasive and costly operation seemed reasonable and right.

So, I had it done. I didn’t enjoy the experience, don’t guess it’s really supposed to be a pleasant thing, but the coldness and general meanness of the urologist didn’t ease my tensions. I didn’t like my genitals being the center of attention. My testicles, as if sensing the impending insult, drew up almost inside my body! The urologist, a gruff, unpleasant man (I was on an HMO plan at the time so I had no choice of physicians) huffed and sighed at my uncooperative testicles and tugged very roughly on the vas deferens after making the incision and proceeded to pull them up and out of my abdomen which caused a sharp, burning sensation, each time (the second time was much worse) and made me jump, which made him sigh with even more irritation at me.

At any rate, I survived, there wasn’t that much bruising or pain afterward. I think I felt fairly normal after about 9 days of healing. I developed two small, painless granulomas, one on each side. The urologist mentioned that those would “probably” develop, and they’d go away in time.

My wife refused to touch me in any sexual way afterward, for many weeks. I remember that after several weeks went by, I was starting to get pretty crabby. I felt a strong desire for sex, but I didn’t want to try anything with my wife, since she was evidently not interested in doing anything and I’m not one to pressure her to do something she doesn’t want to do.

So on a Saturday morning, after my wife left for work, I proceeded to masturbate, cautiously, worried that something was going to feel “different,” somehow. It didn’t, or if it did, I wasn’t able to detect a difference. I took my time and didn’t rush. The orgasm was still very pleasurable, my ejaculate looked really yellow, but I’ve since found that is usual for me when I go for some time between ejaculations. It was after the orgasm that I felt a little different, and I still feel it to this day. After I ejaculate and have lost my erection and interest in any further stimulation, there is a definite sense of pressure from my testicles. The sensation is stronger at times, weaker sometimes, but has never completely faded away.

Several weeks after that Saturday morning episode, I presented a semen sample at the urologist’s office (yes, I was asked LOUDLY by the pert little 19-year-old blond up at the front desk if it was a semen sample or a urine sample in front of a crowded waiting room – which caused me to flush bright red) which was examined and I was pronounced to be sterile. Then there was a big snafu with the insurance, a whole other story. I filed on my insurance company and that of my wife’s, it ended up that neither one of them wanted to pay the bill and the urologist never did get completely paid and finally wrote off $300.

It was only after that appointment, that my wife and I had sex again. During the whole healing period, and for months afterward, my wife expressed no interest in sex whatsoever. It was if that tiny little incision, with its one stitch, was like a gaping infected hole, loathsome to her.

True to the prediction, the granulomas gradually shrunk and faded away.

It was only after that appointment and my wife’s subsequent “ho-hum” attitude when I began caressing her that night, hoping to entice her into lovemaking that I came to the realization that while I was still an intact male, and felt the same about sex, my wife felt quite differently about sex now.

I’d noticed before that she was the most enthusiastic about sex, having the best orgasms, etc., while she was trying to get pregnant. When we came to the conclusion that it was simply getting to be too late in our lives for another baby, it did seem to me that her interest definitely dipped somewhat. Now her interest faded to almost non-existent levels.

I suddenly realized what a mistake I’d made. My wife, despite our discussions, DID want another baby. And, as it turns out, her desire to become pregnant, was DEFINITELY a factor in her sex drive. Once the possibility of pregnancy was eliminated, sexual activity to her became a duty, an inconvenience – she’d have to shower afterward, which meant she had to get up earlier, she was tired, headaches and fatigue became part of our bedroom routine.

I did not have the money to have the operation reversed. I was stuck.

Two years ago, my wife developed a fibroid tumor in her uterus, and a painful cyst on one ovary and she opted to have a complete hysterectomy, although it was not necessary in my opinion and she absolutely refused my request that she obtain a second opinion.

I’m 42 now, still in the prime of life, having retained in large measure my health and looks through exercise and watching my diet. For what? I love my wife, and I know she loves me, but she simply does not understand that I require more sex than once or twice a month, or even longer. At the date of this writing, we have not had sex for almost three months.

So, now, I masturbate on the side, whenever I can. I feel foolish admitting that, but there it is. I once went eight weeks without ejaculating. I have never, ever, had a wet dream – don’t know why just never had. So, there simply is no relief valve for me.

So, I guess the moral of my story is, if you are considering a vasectomy, you’d best make damn sure your wife is in COMPLETE agreement with the decision. It doesn’t matter how many kids you do or do not have. Explore her desires, her inner heart, and make absolutely certain she is not harboring a hidden desire for a child. In the same vein of thought, make sure she has matured in your sexual relationship to the point that lovemaking is done for the mutual pleasure of both of you, not in a secret hope that it may result in a pregnancy.

As far as other issues. I’ve gathered through reading various accounts, that the sperm cells still continuing to be churned out by my testicles are not, in fact, being absorbed by my body. Instead, they’re basically being chewed up, leaving lots of debris behind that never gets absorbed and the epididymitis (sp?) on each testicle is slowing filling up with a nasty toothpaste-like material. That sounds terrible!

What implications does this hold for the testicles? Are they going to adjust to the ever-increasing pressure of the blockages? What is “testicular failure,” exactly, and what causes it?

I do have an occasional ache in my testicles from time to time. I’ve asked my current physician about it. He told me it was normal, to be expected, I “had to expect some congestion” and to take aspirin to relieve pain and swelling, if severe.

I apologize for the ridiculous length of this post. Just had a lot on my mind I guess.

Submitted by Rick